In dilemma, distracted and being told.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Its a post about how I really really feel now. Its about my studies. I couldn't make a decision for myself. I've always wanted to study abroad and I was working hard to get it. and even took out a few hundred bucks to take the english test. but at the end my parents told me not to but to apply somewhere local. I was really furious that time. It was really close back then. I know it would take some money out if I choose to study abroad but I really promise I would try my very best to be the best if I have the chance.

I'll apply for the scholarship once I get there and maintain good grades, if I have the chance. Now that majority of my friends are already in degree. I couldn't think whats best for me now.I've been procrastinating cause I thought about waiting for the results of the local university I was applying. If I choose to study in locals I would have to work harder cause its extra cheap and competitive too. I'm being overly indecisive here. I don't even know where to start anymore.
...………………………………………………
P/S :
This was the post I wrote last week when my subordinate came in as a practical student. but only 2 days after she got an offer to continue her studies in aussie so that's why I've been acting strangely. I've been wanting to further my studies abroad when I completed my diploma and at first it was already set by my parents. but then when I finished my diploma they told me just to apply to a local university and my dream was totally collided and I feel like I have nowhere to go. How sad was that time.and so I did research here and there. The moment after ,I'm starting to be okay with it. I applied for some local university and expect higher efforts from myself which is a good thing. Everything went out so well until one of my colleague suggested me to just go to any private institution instead of the local if I think its affordable for my family. If I choose to be in a local uni I'll be studying for another round of 2 years which the syllabus is equivalent to the subjects I studied in diploma. Meaning that I wouldn't get any exemptions and I have to study for 4 years to complete my degree. Well that explains a lot. So long story short,would I go to a good private uni or wait for my local uni result? I did consult with my mom about going abroad yesterday and slowly I think she would let me off somehow because the fees for a good private uni is rather much the same as going abroad. Insya-Allah if the flow's going smooth and as planned then it will be my only path.

With love,
Nadiana Najib xx

When I start saying things..

Assalamualaikum wbt

Dear Keeper,

It's the second month of the year and I'm gonna open up a little about what I've been through last month. I was in my cave. I was in a time when things get pretty rough for me and my family Thing wasn't really okay(sorry I won't be sharing it here) . And I just said to myself that this will make me stronger. And that's when I know how to cope with this world. With the support of my precious friends and family , I am able to stand again.  The world is big as it is but we just have to find the few points that made us lively and able to see it in a beautiful perspective.

Life is about trying things out for me . And experiencing it yourself so that it'll give you a big impact . TRY AND ERROR. You don't have to listen what others may say. You might have another point of view too. So make it as a challenge to yourself, as long as you think its the best for you. If it happen to be at the false state , chin up and ask for advice from the person you trust the most and don't ever tweet or fb your problems.Its the best to discuss about it. Ask around for opinions, I'm sure enough they'll understand .

It's great to know the life you're having isn't as bad as the poor ones. We get to eat everyday , we get to smell our perfume everyday, we get to ride the car everyday , we get to watch movie everyday(certain), we get to wear shoes, we get to even breathe normally . That is life worth living.

1. So back to what I've been doing for the whole month, been working as usual and was considering a raise for my salary. I was really ready to tell boss about it and believe it or not the boss had a sudden change of mind to give us some special relief allowance every month instead of raising it(after so long...said the senior staff) and it's already good enough for me xD That was the happiest day of my life. The environment became totally meaningful to me. It feels like I have to work harder. But just one... just one thing I couldn't quit thinking about is an... ultimate vacation! Haven't been on a trip for awhile already. Still thinking about it until now. The saddest part is our company(Architect) wasn't selected to go to the trip(Somewhere outside malaysia)where the ID's and airports management got to go(saw it on fb though :P). So the point is we need some time out too! Enough with the office part for a while, it's not a big deal for me anyway except for the seniors ^_^V

2. And one of my best friend moved out to Melby and I didn't have the chance to hang out with her before she leaves :( I only get to send her off at the airport but her other close friends were there too so I didn't have the chance to catch up cause we did promised to catch up during that day .( But we just did catch up on skype just not :P). It's really sad knowing that she's not going to be here for the next 3 years :( A friend of mine and hers is going to deliver a baby soon but we're not together like we used too. It's kind of emotional for me to see this. I'm sureee enough I'm gonna go visit her there someday next year insyaAllah :)

Nothing much I could say here but things has been settle by one another. Hopefully things will return as it is.Gonna write more soon <3 nbsp="" p="">

With love,
Nadiana xx

New Chapter ; 2013

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

It’s the year of 2013 already and I’m not even surprise how time flies but I come to think the reason of why I was writing the previous post. I figured out where I really belong. And where my path will lead . This is an important part of me being stronger and being…me. Because I knew all along I was better than this. This very new year it’s time to get a move on and stop telling yourself to change. It wouldn’t work anyway if you keep on blurting out words from your mouth but not being able to do anything about it. Alhamdulillah I’m slowly starting to move from the place I wasn’t so sure about, into a place that I’m more confident with.

This year I’m going to turn 22. And it’s still not too late for me to have a change of mind. This blog will slowly be a reminder to us all and myself mostly. I didn’t want any misunderstanding but the point is to motivate myself. I was the whiny one back then always writing in the blog about how sucks to be me. Everybody has their own rezeki and we’re in different pathways. It doesn’t suck to be you , but you are what you think you are. You create yourself. Stop saying life isn’t treating you right but keep having faith and think of anything to solve it because Allah only test us with situations that we can handle .Correct me if I’m wrong and I’m not trying to be “riak” or anything. Even if it’s not written this is just how we keep on living, we have to make sure that we believe in whatever we’re doing as long as it’s halal and not against His will. Just remember whenever you go, or wherever you go Allah is with you.

We were given so many prizes
We changed the desert into oasis
We built buildings of different lengths and sizes
And we felt so very satisfied
We bought and bought
We couldn't stop buying
We gave charity to the poor 'cause
We couldn't stand their crying
We thought we paid our dues
But in fact
To ourselves we're just lying

Oh...I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We were told what to buy and we'd bought
We went to London, Paris and Costa Del Sol
We made show we were seen in the most exclusive shops
Yes we felt so very satisfied

We felt our money gave us infinite power

We forgot to teach our children about history and honor
We didn't have any time to lose
When we were.. (were)
So busy feeling so satisfied

I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We became the visuals without a soul
despite the heat
Our homes felt so empty and cold
To fill the emptiness
We bought and bought
Maybe all the fancy cars
And bling will make us feel satisfied

My dear brother and sister
It's time to change inside
Open your eyes
Don't throw away what's right aside
Before the day comes
When there's nowhere to run and hide
Now ask yourself 'cause Allah's watching you

Is He satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?

Oh..I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

My End of 2012

Assalamualaikum wbt

To be frank I've been really broke this month(december). It has been the worst month for me this year. I lost my iPhone (was pick-pocket at the mall while I was alone), didn't get to continue the clay class I've registered, was pressured about when will I continue my study since its just to hard to decide because I plan on paying the fees myself this time. but it's okay though cause all these things make me learnt how to get back up again and settled some things that I've been avoiding the whole year WHICH IS a good thing for me. Serves you well Nea, serves you well!

And here I am in my own room,actually took the week off(and didn't tell my parents about it),trying to get back to my senses, trying to find some liability in me(sounds pathetic,ain't I ?). While I'm here taking the week off I applied for a part time job only for this weekend to get extra cash, maybe that would help me a little or less to balance my very own financial. It's time to think of my own future.

I may be pushing myself this far, but this is where I can test myself on how much I can achieve without any help of my parents. I don't want to depend on my parents to much anymore. The more I depend on them , the more I feel like I'm more spoiled maybe because I am surrounded by friends at my own age who don't depend on their parents anymore. They even entered college and pay for the registration fees themselves, they support food and drinks for their parents back at their hometown, they even bought their own car, they even extend their studies to find money for the new semester. Compare to them,just who am I ? I just feel like I got a long way to go to be as dependable as them. Slowly,I hope things will go smoothly as I planned. I just hope I will stay strong and achieve what I really want to be as a person. Insya-Allah..

With Love,
Nadiana Najib

New Beginning

Assalamualaikum wbt

This is me writing again after years of not being concern about how I really lived my life , how I abandoned a lot of things I've been longing to achieve, how I'm scared things wouln't turn out the way I wanted.This is me again and again, being a jerk,wanting to move forward but not being able to even take off the first step to the second step. I've always been a dreamer and hoping things will come true with a blink of an eye but when I realized everything felt so wrong,I can't barely even see where I'm really going now.Where is my path? Where is my joy? Where the world is taking me? Where is ... ME?

For the past few month I've been thinking a lot and what to write to the world about what I'm really doing. The more I think the more I think of how to impress people. Which is not healthy at all. But then I started thinking, more deeply, is this the journey that pulls me towards happiness? Will I be this way forever? How can you reach the destination when you can't even find the path and go through all the consequences. How can you be scared of something that doesn't even happen yet?

I'm not too young anymore to say that I don't know where I'm suppose to be now. Now that's me loving to bang myself so much because I admit it I haven't achieve that much for this couple of years. Like it or not I need to do a simple reminder for myself so that I won't be carried away with all the pleasures I've got which is not really taking me anywhere better. I have to do so much better so that the pleasures I earn myself could become my permanent happiness.

I feel like I've been spoilt with some certain manners that I was blinded to see what has really gotten into the real world. What have I missed? Which is a lot ; All you need to do is just catch up while you can. Pick up those pieces you left behind and start re-collecting so that you can re-connect your mind and your soul to at least, feel the pride and contentment again. Inner-potrait of yourself is so important because the whole world can see who you really are. How you speak and how you deal with people around you is how the world will get back to you. Don't ask why because isn't it obvious the more you take things lightly, the less people care about you. On the other hand, the more you are grateful about things that you already have, the wiser and calmer you become when it comes to handling difficult situations, and people like yourself.

Self-humanity RESTORED.

With love,
Nadiana Najib

Left it unsaid

I've totally changed since I've gotten into college. I barely know myself anymore. They say its going to be better and you're going to know how to act the moment you missed a treat when you get older. But the thing is I'm starting to act all childish from the moment I realised I was growing up . I became too scared to talk ,more or less too scared to share my thoughts or open up to people. Tragic ain't I? Worst comes to worst I never had the idea of letting people know how I feel everyday because it just bothers me that it will annoy people or I'll just end up with nothing. That is why some things are better left unsaid. :X

:)

Well , its been awhile people (always hearing that after so long of not updating anything ) . I finally finished my diploma people im sooooooo happy! but the thing is I'm not really satisfy with all the studies I made here. It's like I didn't put enough effort on it. It's all over, just hope that things will get better. I'm here on my bed thinking about what would I do next. So tomorrow my parents are going to makkah for a month and I'm gonna ask them to pray for me so that I won't be falling towards the wrong direction. Amin! And the day after tomorrow will be only me and my brothers. I'll be going to college again to pack up my stuff. Then I would make a month full of relaxation and a diet of course, hehe since its my parents order. move on people ;)